


Inexperience

by Kaori (Kayozuki)



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Confessions, F/F, Hurt, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 05:56:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17420342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kayozuki/pseuds/Kaori
Summary: Love had always been a foreign concept to Sayo. Love was a longing but distant wish for Tsugumi. Love is complex.





	Inexperience

Love had always been a foreign concept to Hikawa Sayo. It was a subject that stuck out like an edgy thorn on the smooth surface of a rose’s stalk, subliminally hounding, tormenting the beholder. Her relationship with Hina was a prime example of this complication. Though they had thrashed things out, laying their genuine feelings bare, with Sayo vowing to improve their sisterly kinship along with her inferiority complex, it was easier said than done. Still, she was making progress, which was a good thing.

Romantic love, however, was something which she couldn’t wrap her head around in the slightest.

In the first place, the idea of being involved with the topic was absurd to her. She was in an all girls’ school; confessions occurring there were commonplace, admittedly, but she wasn’t interested in girls. At least, that’s what she believed. Boys weren’t even worth considering, especially with the rare interactions she’s had with them through her life in high school. Her priority rested on exams, student council duties, and most importantly, working toward perfecting her guitar skills. It was an endless climb, and she was determined not to fall short in that aspect moving forward.

To find the sound that she yearned for. To proudly declare the sound that she produced as her own.

Romance was a keynote which she never had to seriously contemplate over. And she was dubious about ever having to ruminate over such a convoluted matter.

Until that fateful meet-up, that was.

It all stemmed from a seemingly innocent request by Hazawa Tsugumi, a girl who she unexpectedly made friends with a few months ago. Their unforeseen friendship blossomed from a serendipitous encounter at Hazawa Coffee, where Sayo visited on a whim to acquire some baking skills with Roselia’s betterment in mind. Despite a relatively awkward official introduction and start to their dialogue, they discovered similarities among their personalities over the baking course, unveiling each other’s positive traits along the way, and relating with each other on the negatives. Sayo admired Tsugumi for her honest, burning passion, and ability to dedicate herself to whatever she set her mind on. Even when facing the everlasting, mounting pressure to catch up with her childhood friends, with the constant advancement of time, to minimize any possible gaps between them. She could relate to that.

Sayo felt like a secure sense of closeness had fostered between them.

From there, they started to hang out together on multiple occasions. From one-on-one baking sessions at Tsugumi’s café (sometimes her home), to study sessions, to shopping sprees for knick-knacks, baking necessities, musical gear...

It was enjoyable to share Tsugumi’s company. Sayo appreciated being able to learn new baking recipes from her. Learning what cute ribbons and wrappers she should buy to complement her cookies. Discussing about their respective bands’ music. Life in school. Confiding in Tsugumi about her incessant mental conflicts, the struggles she faced with her sister, the hurdles she’d went through on her musical journey. Spending time with her had manifested a side of herself which she wasn’t aware of before they had become friends. It was easier to relax in her presence. For some reason unbeknownst to her, the rapport between the two felt natural.

The decision to enrol in the baking course was one that she was truly grateful for.

She was therefore surprised to receive the message from the keyboardist on a Saturday afternoon; a casual, spontaneous invitation for an evening walk around the district. Usually, they met up with a specific goal in mind, be it studying, baking or shopping. Perhaps Tsugumi was getting stressed out with school or her band activities, and merely needed some fresh air to unwind.

Though, wouldn’t her friends from Afterglow be more suitable companions in that case?

Nonetheless, Roselia hadn’t scheduled any practice that day, and Sayo had nothing else planned, so she accepted the offer without any further consideration.

They first met at Hazawa Coffee, since Tsugumi needed to finish up with helping out at the café before switching shifts with Eve. The younger girl jumped in shock when Sayo made her appearance half an hour earlier than the stipulated time, fumbling with the empty plates she was holding on to, smashing the brittle porcelain into tiny pieces as it crashed onto the floor.

“It’s fortunate that there aren’t any customers around at the moment,” Sayo said kindly, returning from the storeroom with a broom and dustpan while Tsugumi frantically dashed from the kitchen with a mop in hand. “I’m sorry for scaring you like that.”

“N-no! Not at all! I wasn’t expecting you to arrive this early, that’s all. I’m not sure why I was so startled when you walked in though... maybe it was because of the thunderstorm just now. I’m still terrible at dealing with the sudden claps of thunder,” The keyboardist mumbled while the pair swiftly cleared up the mess.

Despite the explanation, Sayo could sense that something was off with Tsugumi. She perceived a mild, sombre aura emanating from the Haneoka student as she intently watched her swabbing away at the spilt liquid, but refrained from probing into the matter then; not while her parents were still around. She would save that question for later.

“Hazawa-san, would you like to make a trip to the park for some fresh air when you’re finished here?” she proposed, tipping the remnants of the broken glassware into the bin.

“Oh! I was about to suggest that as well,” Tsugumi replied quickly, an imperceptible spark of relief lighting up her expression. “Let’s wait for Eve-chan in the meantime!”

The pair headed out when the half-Finnish girl arrived, trading some casual pleasantries as Tsugumi handed over her shift. They made small talk as they wandered past the shops, buying some bread and croquettes off Saaya’s and Hagumi’s shops, indulging in some ice-cream from the convenience store. Sayo could already feel the tension lifting from her overworked brain cells as they chatted, the rigidity in her shoulders gradually melting away.

They discussed the latest baking recipes that Tsugumi had learnt from her mother, how adept she was at baking an assortment of confections; cakes, cookies, pastry, and sweets. Sayo made mental notes as the first-year delivered her monologue, dedicating the methods and ingredients used to memory. She was about to ask the keyboardist for more varieties of cookies to bake for Roselia anyway, so it was good timing on her part.

“How has school been for you recently?” Sayo inquired. Tsugumi seemed to have loosened up somewhat, which provided her with a decent opportunity to find out what was bothering her.

“It’s been the same as usual. Things have been steadily ramping up in intensity with the student council, and I’m doing my best to catch up with the pace of classes, but I think I’m managing alright, especially with Afterglow helping me out whenever they can,” Tsugumi reeled off. Her soft, brown eyes were trained on the drops of melted strawberry popsicle sliding off the cylindrical block of frozen solid.

“I see. I’m glad to hear that.” School wasn’t the cause of her woes, evidently.

“Why the sudden question?” Tsugumi lifted her head, a hint of curiousness embedded in her voice.

“Nothing much. I was just wondering,” Sayo replied nonchalantly, dipping her own popsicle into her mouth.

“Oh, speaking of school, there’s a very likely possibility of Hina-senpai becoming my school’s student council president next year,” she chuckled. “Pretty surprising, isn’t it?”

“What?” That was news to her.

“Oh, she hasn’t told you?”

Sayo shook her head, her brain warping around in circles, working furiously to process that bit of information. The brain freeze from the flavoured ice was not helping in that regard, unfortunately.

“There were rumours circulating around Haneoka that our current student council president has her sights set on her taking over the helm for the next academic year.” Tsugumi explained tentatively, casting a sidelong glance in the second-year’s direction. She had apparently become aware of the abrupt switch in Sayo’s tone. “I also overheard the president mentioning Hina-senpai’s name a couple of times...”

“Is that so?” Sayo asked grimly. Deep down, the guitarist recognized her wish to be happy for her sister, but she still couldn’t prevent that unpleasant feeling from crawling down her throat, forcibly seeking to mess around with her. She swallowed it down firmly. “That’s good to hear. She’s never told me about it though. Probably to avoid hurting me, considering that I’m on the student council myself.”

She knew Hina was being considerate of her feelings, like always, by concealing this piece of knowledge from her. She detested the fact that her sister was attuning her actions for the sake of tactfulness, but the harsh reality was that there was nobody else to blame but herself.

“I-I see. I’m sorry. It was insensitive of me to talk about this,” Tsugumi murmured, her eyes fixed onto the paving stone of the path they were strolling on. Her features had frozen slightly with apprehension when she registered the possible impact her careless words might have had.

“That wasn’t what I meant. Please, don’t worry about it,” Sayo flashed a quick smile instead to soothe her companion’s nerves, while shaking the pessimistic thoughts from her mind. The guitarist had never seen Tsugumi conducting herself like this before, whether in private or in public. Something was definitely amiss.

“Hazawa-san, I’m just going to ask you straight: Is everything alright?”

Tsugumi blinked. Her mouth gaped open for a split second, before closing shut again. She cleared her throat. “W-what do you mean?” she asked innocently, or at least made a feeble attempt to. It was pretty obvious at that point that the first-year was faltering, desperately grasping at straws to persist in portraying her badly composed facade.

“You’ve been acting strangely this whole time, since we were at the café. Is something bothering you? I’d be more than willing to hear you out if there is,” the second-year pressed on. She had resolved to get to the bottom of Tsugumi’s unexplained behaviour. “It’s not healthy to bottle up your emotions. I’m sure you know that very well from our previous conversations.”

“Let’s go to the park first, Sayo-san,” the Haneoka student spoke in an undertone as the lushness came into view. “We’re almost there.” She sped ahead, jogging up the stairs towards a little wooden bench at its peak, which provided an unblemished, picturesque setting of the sunset.

Sayo sighed. Her friend was being awfully evasive, which only piqued her curiosity further. The guitarist trailed behind, widening the gap between the two as she trudged on, making no attempt to rush after Tsugumi. She could only wonder what on earth was going on.

“Sayo-san!”

She looked up, her slanted green eyes making contact with Tsugumi’s narrowed ones.

Her expression was vastly different for the first time that day. Her cheeks were taut, her eyebrows scrunched firmly with determination. The irregular gusts of wind tugged at her chin-length hair, causing the stray strands to flap haphazardly over her skin, lightly tickling her sharply contoured nose, but the keyboardist paid no heed. Her soft complexion shimmered gold for a brief moment as the sun descended, its rays penetrating the thin strips of clouds on the horizon. The rustling leaves served as an audience to the unscripted performance that the pair was putting on for them, the orange arrowheads whispering amongst themselves, dancing along to the rhythm of the breeze.

“Yes?”

Tsugumi took a deep breath. “We’ve known each other for a few months now. I’ve felt a close connection with you from the first time we met. I think that the detailed, serious part of you is really charming... and that the doubtful, uncertain you is really cute. I admire the attitude you display towards the things that you care about, and your resolve to work on your flaws, even if it’s going to take awhile to tackle. Your perseverance drives me to keep on going as well.”

“I personally believe that I’m not worthy of the compliments you've conveyed... but I’m genuinely happy that you think of me as such,” Sayo said quietly, her eyes still focused onto Tsugumi. “Thank you, Hazawa-san.”

“I-I’ve enjoyed myself greatly with the time I was privileged with to spend with you over this period,” Tsugumi continued, a faint trace of anxiety now discernible from her voice. Her cheeks had started to redden. “Little by little, as the days went on, you kept coming to mind. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I know we’re both girls, but...”

Sayo broke her gaze from the keyboardist, catching a glimpse of Tsugumi’s trembling legs. She opened her mouth, wanting to say something, but an invisible force was constricting her throat, forbidding her from uttering a word.

“... I-I now realize that I have feelings for you, Sayo-san. Could you consider going out with me?”

The words pierced the teal-haired girl directly in the chest. She lost her grip, dropping the ice-cream stick which was hanging loosely between her fingertips. Everything else was silent, the only sounds being the continual crackling of the twirling leaves, the impatient humming of the cicadas in the heavy summer air almost mocking, goading her, trying to provoke a reaction from her.

Sayo lifted her head slowly. Tsugumi was no longer looking at her, but was bowing instead; her back straightened stiffly, her upper body bent at the waist. Her face was obscured by the dangling wisps of her hair. She was waiting for a response.

_Love was an emotion which Sayo was not familiar with._

To know of its existence was one thing, but to delve into its intricate secrets was something she was afraid of experimenting with. There was never a need to envisage a scenario like this panning out. She hadn’t the slightest idea on how to answer. She didn’t know how to think of Tsugumi as a romantic partner. Or if it was even plausible to think of her as such. She had only ever thought of her as a close friend, and never anything beyond that.

_Romantic love was something which she couldn’t wrap her head around in the slightest._

“I’m sorry. But I—”

“It-it’s okay,” Tsugumi had looked back up, her eyes softening slightly. “It was presumptuous of me to hope that something like this could work out. We’re both girls... after all.”

Sayo said nothing. Her mind remained blank. The numbness had spread throughout her body, overpowering her senses.

“I’ve told you what was bothering me, now that I’ve confessed.” Tsugumi twisted her lips into a smile, hopping down the steps to where the guitarist stood, still rooted to the ground. “I-I think I’ll head home first. I’m sorry.”

The brown-haired girl broke into a run, back towards the district where they came from. Passing Sayo’s frozen figure, there was no mistaking the dry, muffled sob that betrayed her mouth, as the shadowy outline of her petite silhouette faded into the distance.

**Author's Note:**

> Poor Tsugu.


End file.
